Entertainment And News
By Taylor Haynes — Written on Jan 21, 2023
Given that financial issues are one of the most common reasons for divorces, it should come as no surprise that it is the cause of some couples’ breakups before they even make it down the aisle.
A woman shared her story to Reddit’s “r/Relationships” forum about her struggles dealing with her boyfriend’s expectation of financial support.
The “Relationships” subreddit is a space where folks can share conflicts within their interpersonal relationships and this woman came to the right place for advice.
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The post began with the 27-year-old outlining her relationship with her boyfriend. They had been together for 5 and a half years.
She moved to his city after she graduated college in 2019 “for career opportunities and to bridge” the distance between them.
“I moved without a job lined up, [and] had saved enough on my own to support myself for a few months while I tried to start my life and career up in a new city,” she wrote.
Her boyfriend, on the other hand, has not had the same luck — or, perhaps, work ethic.
Over the past almost 6 years, he has not managed to find a stable income or career. He was in college and planned to apply to a master’s program but that fell through when he missed his application deadline.
“After graduating undergrad in 2020 he worked for his family restaurant and decided to pursue personal training. That lasted for 6 months and then he quit after the first gig didn’t go so well,” she writes.
Fast forward to 2023, and he is now starting an internship to join the local union. She says she’s “really happy” that he has found “a clear long-term goal and path” but there’s one problem.
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Since it will be another 2 years before his income levels up, he’s broke for the foreseeable future. He has a plan to keep himself afloat, though — he want his girlfriend to pay for him.
The 27-year-old explained he’s been not-so-subtly pressuring her to fund his life while he worked at the internship.
He would say things like: “You need to support me these next two years. I’m going to be broke. I need your help while I do this internship. You don’t spend that much money on me.”
Her boyfriend would also point out the amount of money she makes at her job, and imply that she should spend more on him.
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“If he will not be saving or anything for the next couple years, I need to save up even more to support our future wedding or home or nice big expenses that will fall on our plate!” she wrote.
She says their financial wellness, or lack thereof, keeps cropping up as a problem in their relationship.
What should be a learning opportunity and a chance for him to finally be financially stable alone is falling on her.
“He’s always had help from his parents… Now suddenly I’m subtly being asked to be his bank account in some way,” she writes.
She says she’s always lived below her means so that she could save for her future.
“I just wish he did the same himself. I am struggling to get through this difference as it’s been a problem for us the past few years.”
She clarified that she saw this man as “the one,” someone she loved dearly and did not want to let go of.
“I lack the empathy he is seeking,” she wrote. “I truly believe he needs to learn finally how to be an independent adult and provide for himself financially and then we both enjoy our successes together”.
“But I feel like he also resents me for being ahead in life.”
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One user had some words of advice: “I personally wouldn’t be dating someone who has been an adult for nine years but who has never paid their own way in life.”
“That being said, if my partner was a responsible adult providing for their own needs who desired to invest two years in a step to a better career, I’d have no problem helping them financially,” they wrote.
“That’s what people do when they’re doing life together.”
“If I was unwilling to help him because I think he’s irresponsible, flaky, don’t trust him to finish, etc. then I’d be out. All the way out,” they continued.
“After six years it’s time to decide whether you’re in or out.”
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Taylor Haynes is a writer based in Chicago. She covers entertainment, news and human interest stories at YourTango. You can find her on Instagram here.
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